Couples Therapy for Sustainable Intimacy

I combine the approach that I outlined here with the cutting edge developmental approach to working with couples developed by Peter Pearson, Ph.D., and his partner Ellyn Bader, Ph.D.

Drs. Pearson and Bader are two of the nation’s preeminent couple’s therapists, and founders of the Menlo Park based Couple’s Institute.

In brief, this approach takes a look at the couple as a living system with a developmental trajectory all its own, which is influenced heavily by the relational history brought to the couple by each partner.

What Drs. Pearson and Bader learned was couples often mistake normal growth for a crisis and as a result spend a great deal of energy trying to “get back” to the magic of their early lives together. Needless to say, these efforts meet with only fleeting success, if that, leaving couples to wonder if they are simply destined to something less than “happily ever after.”

Our work together helps each partner:

*  Understand one’s own unique contributions to whatever patterns are arising in the relationship, and hold themselves and each other with greater compassion;

*  Learn to take responsibility for his or her own part in the success or failure of the couple to thrive;

*  See how separate selves are often in a tension filled relationship with the “We” that was created in committing to a long term partnership or marriage;

*  Learn how to successfully and compassionately explore differences while managing anxiety;

*  Adopt and practice excellent listening and non-violent communication skills;

*  See how successful differentiation and development of a healthy separate self outside of the relationship can ultimately lead to increased connection and intimacy within it;

*  Find deepening intimacy in a synergistic balance between independence and interdependence–resulting in a relationship with greater vitality than either individual could ever hope to realize alone.

This approach will work with all committed couples: Gay or Straight, Married or not.

Call 206-801-3214 to see if this approach to working with Couples might be for you and your partner.

 

The art on this page is included with the generous permission of the artist, Rachel Ann Austin. You may see it in my office, or at Rachel’s website.